Damned

Damn this mortal husk and its maintenance requirements. Toughed it out at the gym yesterday for the first time in far too long, now am sore and tired today. Is it any less commendable to self-improve if the inspiration is to try to spite Cersei and her honourless beau in person? We can ask that again, I guess, if I ever return to a fit shape reminiscent of a normal human being.

Anyways, should try and keep that anger. Use it, let it fuel me. Even if it's a little bit like putting a harness and reigns on a fusion reaction. Testosterone can be good for the depressed brain, my research has led me to believe.

BTW, "tough" as a verb is just a little bit weird. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Blogablog

For a while now, I've entertained grand designs of posting some huge collection of song lyrics to describe my feelings. Then, I realized what an eloquently stupid idea that is. First off, my moods are inconstant. To encompass the wide variety of feelings I actually have would require an inordinate expanse of songs that would end up having precious little to do with each other. Second, it insults whatever creative integrity I may (someday) have to just spout the works of others at you like a grade nine Livejournal account. Third, if you gave a shit what I was feeling like you'd fucking ask me, wouldn't you? Some people do sometimes. Those are the best kind of people.

The More You Know: surround yourself with awesome people that give you no reason to doubt yourself. If people you know can only complain about you without wanting to build you up, then YOUR wellbeing is likely not their motivation. If you change, change for you first. If someone wants you to change, only do it if the benefit to yourself is at least as much as it is to them.

Me, in a nutshell

I'm frustrated because I lack motivation and concentration due to what feels like physical fatigue but has no discernable mental basis. This makes graduate school a daunting chore, when at my full capability it would be a cakewalk. These problems have persisted for years and the stress it puts on people around me tends to drive people away (i.e. my ex-fiancé, which I'm also still not properly over 6-7 months later) so I feel lonely, and anxious about the people I do talk to because it seems like if I say the wrong thing they might abandon me.

Happy New Year

For the sake of inclusiveness, enjoy the next 365 Earth-rotations regardless of the calendar you use.

Edit: holy fuck, did I ever not.

Geography Lesson

No, you can't go back to Constaninople.

Australia: Police State

Creating a film that the Australian government deems offensive does not just prevent you from legally distributing it, it also causes the police to raid your home in order to destroy it. If only Orwell had known that Big Brother was from Down Under...

So Very True

Sometimes, Randall Munroe of xkcd thinks like I do.